香山リカのココロの万華鏡:すぐ結果を求めないで /東京

(Mainichi Japan) October 2, 2011
Kaleidoscope of the Heart: Don't always expect immediate results
香山リカのココロの万華鏡:すぐ結果を求めないで /東京

"Show me results." It's a common enough phrase, but not everything in life can be settled quickly.

Part of my life can provide an example.

For many years, I wasn't sure how to handle a situation where I encountered one of my patients in the restroom. 病院のトイレで患者さんに会ってしまったときにどうすればよいか、長年わからないままだった。

If it was someone who had come in to the hospital that day but had not yet seen me, it would be odd to say, "How have you been doing?" and suddenly begin their session then and there. In the case of a patient who had just finished a meeting with me, I was even less sure what to say.

In my 30s I handled this restroom situation by pretending I hadn't seen the patient. In my 40s, I would say, "Hi," but the situation still felt somehow awkward.

There was even a period when I purposely used the restroom on a different floor to avoid the possibility of meeting a patient.

It wasn't until my 50s that I realized I needn't be particular about how I handle the situation, that I could keep a natural expression and just say something like, "It's awful rain, isn't it?" or "It's been hot lately, hasn't it?"

In the end, my ridiculous "restroom anxiety disorder" took a whole 25 years to disappear.

In my consultation room, I often hear stories like, "It wasn't until I turned 60 that my feelings of antagonism toward my father disappeared.

" Particularly when dealing with people, even if we feel things like "I can never forgive them," "I want an immediate apology," or "I never want to meet them again," as time passes it is not uncommon that their relations with the other people gradually improve.

Often those patients who hurry in for a counseling session want a solution for their problems quickly. Calming them and getting them to let some time pass may be a duty of psychiatrists like me.

If they think and act calmly and carefully, anyone should be able to find an answer or produce a result they are satisfied with.

Sometimes, though, people cannot wait that long, and jump to a mistaken conclusion.

Of course, at a company or other business scene, we cannot exactly say, "Could you give me around 20 years for that?

" Plus, we are sometimes given limits to produce results, like "within this fiscal period," or "by next week," and that can cause us a lot of stress.

If we fail to meet such a deadline and get scolded by a boss, we shouldn't immediately judge ourselves.

We may feel down then, but three or even 10 years later that experience may take on a different meaning, and we may start to feel, "It's a good thing that I messed up then."

We mustn't judge everything on what we see right before us.

My thinking is that we come to see the true meaning of things only after time has passed.

(By Rika Kayama, psychiatrist)
毎日新聞 2011年9月27日 地方版

by kiyoshimat | 2011-10-03 06:04 | 英字新聞

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